I Am A Part of All That I Have Met
by Ladyamesindy
Summary: Against all odds, Sian Shepard escaped death on Mindoir. Now taken in by a foster family, she learns how to live and love again. Ashley Williams is used to being treated different. But as she helps her new 'sister' recover, she learns a few things too.
1. There Lies The Port

_**All titles and snippets within are from Alfred, Lord Tennyson's "Ulysses". **_

* * *

_"There lies the port; the vessel puffs her sail:  
There gloom the dark broad seas. My mariners,  
Souls that have toiled, and wrought, and thought  
with me—"_

_Alfred, Lord Tennyson "Ulysses"_

_2170_

Bold. Brash. Outspoken. Those were the words used most often to describe her. Well, those who didn't really know her. Those outside of her 'circle.' Inside that circle, she was independent. Strong. Capable. A true Williams. For only being twelve, Ashley Madeline Williams thought she was doing pretty damn good for herself.

But things changed. Well, not so much that 'things' changed, but the situation did. She knew, of course, the family history. Of how others viewed her, her father, the family name. You didn't get past your first year of school without realizing that the scowls being thrown in your direction by your teacher meant something more than you were misbehaving when you knew you weren't. It took most of that first year just to understand that it wasn't _you_ but your _name_ that was the problem. When you asked your parents about it, they explained that memories tended to last longer than the people who created them. They were carried down through history, taglines to events, places, individuals. And there wasn't much of anything that could be done about it. You learned to live with it, even though you hated it and called it unfair. Even though you _knew_ it wasn't right. But there was no changing some peoples' minds, and really that wasn't the battle that needed fighting anyways. Plus, as her father reminded her before shipping out to his next duty station, you reminded yourself on a daily basis that 'actions spoke louder than words.' What you did counted more, not the memories.

And that was daily life. You got used to it after a while (or, at least you told yourself you did, and some days you actually believed it), and you moved on, but you always knew that if and/or when you needed any kind of support, you had a home to go to. People who loved you. A port. A safe harbor.

And then you wake up one day and life throws you an unexpected curve ball and suddenly you are faced with something else entirely. Something just as painful, hurtful, difficult to deal with, but for completely different reasons. Something that makes you question. Makes you step outside that box and look at things in a different way. You think. You feel. Something that helps you see outside your own situation and that things could be a whole hell of a lot worse than what you've got to deal with. And you begin to wonder just how bad can your situation really be when compared to that?

Ashley spent much of that bright summer day bored. Abby was off reading one of her books (not that this was a bad thing, just not what Ash had it mind for today), Lynn wasn't interested in anything but playing with her dolls (_again_) and Sarah was just too young. Ashley first tried to find some enjoyment down at the nearby creek, a place she sometimes chased frogs or snakes. In really wet years, she could sometimes follow the creek out to the small pond about a mile away and catch fish, but this year was proving to be one of the dry years and so she'd not had much luck there other than to end up with a few scratches on her arms and dust all over her feet. But it had gotten her up to lunchtime.

After that, though, it became tough. None of the other kids in the neighborhood wanted to play with her, or her sisters. It was that name thing again. No matter where they went or lived, it seemed to follow them around like a dark rain cloud, persistently hanging on overhead and waiting to drizzle all over you when you either least expected it or hoped most that it wouldn't. And so, she'd retreated to the family yard.

That was safe enough, she supposed. Though most of the families in their neighborhood acted as if they were …. _Oh, what was that word mom used?_ Ash frowned and tried to concentrate. _It began with a P … sounded like some sort of old Earth killer fish?_

Well, whatever the case, the point was that, though the neighbors didn't like them, they wouldn't openly cause harm or anything, especially to the kids. There were _some_ lines that wouldn't be crossed at least. So Ash had found her way to the front stoop, grabbing one of her many balls along the way, this one bouncy enough she could toss it off the solid pathway that ran up to the front door and play catch by herself all while she just sat there. Waiting. Hoping time would, as adults often told her, 'fly by.' Sighing heavily, Ash blew at the loose tendrils of dark hair that had escaped her ponytail and now tickled her nose. She was still waiting to see wings.

The twist came some several hours later.

Still bouncing the ball and playing catch of a sort with herself, Ashley glanced up at the sound of a skycar approaching. She recognized the logo on the side of the door instantly: Alliance Military. Ignoring the sharp stab of fear that sliced through her chest at its sudden appearance, she jumped to her feet and called out in a voice that she hoped didn't betray that fear. "Mom!"

With that uncanny foresight that mothers often have, Mrs. Williams appeared almost instantly, stepping outside through the front door. She descended the steps as the door to the vehicle opened, pausing only a moment to squeeze Ashley's shoulder in reassurance. "It's okay, Ash."

Ash could only nod, eyes glued to the figure emerging on the far side of the car. All the while, though, she prayed. She might only be twelve, but mom's insistence on church every week had taught her a healthy respect for faith. _Please, don't let it be about dad! Please let him be okay! _The Williams women were strong, she knew that. She lived that every single day. But there were limits to that strength, that was something she had recognized early on. Yet, the loss of her father was something that she didn't think they would be able to withstand ….

"Maddy, m'dear!"

Ash's eyes widened in relief as she heard his familiar voice call out to her. "Dad!" she shouted, jumping down off the front porch and running around to launch herself at her father. He caught her, as he always did, and hugged her tight. He was the _only_ one allowed to call her by any version of her middle name.

It was as he was setting her back onto her feet that Ash noticed he wasn't alone. Sneaking a peek around him, she spotted a lone figure sitting slightly hunched over in the back seat of the vehicle. "Who's that?" she asked, curiosity getting the better of her in that moment. So much so that she missed the look exchanged between her parents just before Mr. Williams turned to assist his companion out of the vehicle.

Right away, Ash could see something was definitely wrong. It was difficult to judge how old the girl getting out of the car was. She was quite a bit taller than Ash, which led her to think she must be considerably older, but the look in her eyes …. Ash swallowed tightly feeling almost guilty for being fearful just a few moments before. Whatever she might have felt at having lost her father, it was clear by the pain she could see in this person's eyes that she'd endured a hell of a lot more than that.

"Ashley, this is Sian Shepard. She's going to stay with us for a little while," Mr. Williams explained. "Sian, Ashley is the oldest of our four girls."

There was an awkward moment of silence then, Ash meeting Sian's gaze and trying to interpret all she was seeing there, until finally Mrs. Williams set a hand upon Ash's shoulder. "Ashley, would you please show Sian to the guest room?"

"Uh, sure, mom." Stepping away, Ash gestured Sian to follow her. They remained quiet until reaching the door to the room. Ash stepped inside first and flipped on the light. "Boy, you're lucky," she murmured, hoping to stir some sort of reaction from the new girl. "You get a room all to yourself!"

Sian was slow to enter, but finally did so. She was carrying one bag over her shoulder which she set on the floor next to the dresser. It was as she was turning around to watch Sian more closely that Ash realized her mother must have made a quick dusting of the one room in their house that was rarely used.

"It's … nice."

Ash smiled. "At least you'll have a place to hide when you need a break from the rest of us," she commented. "When I try to do that, I still have Abby to contend with. She and I share a room," she added as an afterthought. "Lynn and Sar share one too."

Sian nodded, barely. Ash watched her walk further inside, moving over to the window to stare outside. She thought maybe to follow, to try to engage Sian in some further talk, but a soft sound at the doorway had her hesitating. Glancing over her shoulder, she found her parents standing there, side by side. Both looked incredibly saddened, and Ash found herself worrying just a bit once again. Mrs. Williams, however, was quick to wave Ash off from moving towards their guest. Instead, Ash exited the room, following her father as her mother entered the room instead. "Dad?"

He waited until they were in the main living area before he responded. "Yes, Maddie?"

Ash chewed on her lip as she tried to decide what exactly she was trying to ask. "What's wrong?"

Sighing, Mr. Williams sat down on the sofa. Ash was quick to crawl up beside him. Wrapping his arm around his daughter's shoulders, he began, "You know why I am in the Alliance, right?"

Ash nodded. "To help and protect those who can't do so for themselves," she replied. This was something he'd explained to her a long time ago.

He nodded. "That's right. There will always be people who will need our help with that."

"And Sian's one of them?"

Another heavy sigh. Hugging Ash close, he nodded. "Yes, she is, Maddy. She's had a very bad time of it. She was on Mindoir, and the Alliance wasn't fast enough to help them all."

Ash frowned. She'd heard about Mindoir recently … someone at school had talked about it. An attack. Many were killed. Children taken. "But … I thought no one survived?" she mused distractedly.

"It isn't common knowledge," her father explained patiently. "We want to keep her safe from further harm, you see, so we're keeping her survival quiet for now."

Ash frowned. "How bad is she hurt?"

"Physically, just a few scratches, a bit of malnourishment, some sleep deprivation. She was all alone and hiding for several days by herself. But psychologically?" He turned to face Ashley. "Sian lost her parents and older brother, Maddy. She saw them killed right in front of her."

Ash cringed. Sure, she'd had nightmares on occasion of losing her father in battle or in some sort of accident aboard ship, but to have to watch your family as they were killed right in front of you? No wonder Sian's eyes seemed so ... distant. Lost. "Why is she here, then?" she asked next.

That had him smiling. "She's here because I thought we could help her heal," he explained. "Because I know my Williams girls know how to stand strong together, to help others who need it. I thought we might be able to offer Sian a port in the storm that her life has become."

_A port …._ The word triggered a memory, something she and her father had shared months ago before he'd left on this current deployment. "There lies the port; the vessel puffs her sail: There gloom the dark broad seas. My mariners, Souls that have toiled, and wrought, and thought with me—"

Ash glanced up smiling as the last echoes of their two voices faded from the room. "We'll find a way to help her, dad," she promised.

His smile was like a ray of sunshine, Ash thought. Warm. Soothing. Strong. "I have no doubt that you will, Maddy," he replied while ruffling her hair. "No doubts at all."


	2. To Rust Unburnished

How dull it is to pause, to make an end,  
To rust unburnished, not to shine in use!  
As though to breathe were life.

_Alfred, Lord Tennyson "Ulysses"_

~ 0 ~

Apple in one hand and book in the other, Ash flopped beneath the broad limbs of the willow tree in the family's front yard. Munching away on the apple, she leaned back against the aged tree trunk and read (or rather, re-read) from her father's favorite book of collected works of Tennyson while juice dribbled slowly down her chin. Usually by this time of the afternoon, she and Sian would be hard at work lounging around the backyard after a long day spent at school, maybe doing homework but more likely goofing off. Spoiling that best of all battle plans, however, was the fact that Sian had been kept after. _Again_. Not because of anything she'd done - well, that wasn't quite true. Not because of anything _bad_ she'd done - but rather because the school was still trying to place her in the proper classes and get a better assessment of what levels she'd been at in certain subjects before leaving Mindoir. This was the third time this sort of evaluation had occurred since the year began, and Ash had hoped they finally were done sorting things out. Each time Sian went through one of these series of 'tests,' she always ended up spending a few days holed up in her room in the dark. Alone. _Not_ a good thing, in Ash's opinion.

As promised to her father before he returned to his posting all those weeks and months ago now, Ash was doing her best to help Sian adjust to life in the Williams home, though Ash's mother had to remind her occasionally that not everyone appreciated being jabbered at constantly. Ash figured that was a positive thing, though, because Sian was nearby at the time and heard Mrs. Williams and she'd laughed at both mother and daughter, so … yeah. Good things were beginning to happen. Little by little, Sian was beginning to come out of her shell and rejoin the world around her.

_For every three steps forward, child, there will be one backwards_.

Ash frowned, her grandmother's words suddenly coming to mind. She never really understood what that meant before, but with Sian around, she occasionally saw it first hand. It was a sad and sometimes frightening thing to witness, too, Ash thought. To watch someone taking those steps, trying to find a way to live again, find happiness out of the depths of hell, to move forward only to fall backwards again and feel as if there's no other recourse but to hide in a dark room by themselves? Ash didn't really understand the reasoning behind it, but as her mother told her, she didn't have to. All Ash had to do was be there to help. Be encouraging. Be supportive. It was how their family always was for each other. Now they just had one more to include in the group.

Ash huffed a breath strong enough to shift aside the wisps of dark hair that had fallen into her eyes. She was not, by nature or character, a patient person. And yet, with all their family history, she'd had to learn how to be so from the day she was born. That didn't mean she had to like it. _Not. One. Bit_. She was certain her mother would admonish her for being selfish since she was currently thinking of herself, mostly, and not how this affected Sian. But in the end, Ash knew it all came back to helping Sian in any way the thirteen-year old could, so in the long run how could that be selfish?

A movement beyond the edge of the yard and down the walk caught Ashley's attention then and she jumped up, apple core flying far off to the bushes to the right and the book falling from her lap. Hope surged, and her eyes immediately sought out the approaching figure's even though she was still some distance away. Then again, Ash didn't need to read Sian's eyes to see that she was suffering. The slump of shoulders, the achingly slow pace she moved, even the way her neck curved, long coppery curls falling to hide her face. Ash winced. She'd seen this twice before after these testing sessions, and it angered her to no end. Why couldn't they just leave Sian alone?

Darting forward, Ashley carefully descended the steep bank of the front yard bouncing into step beside Sian. She said nothing at first, simply offered her hand over to collect Sian's book bag if she so wished to dump it off, or not if she didn't. At first, Sian didn't respond, and Ashley thought she was just going to walk on quietly, but after a minute the older girl shrugged a thin shoulder, allowing the bag to slide down her arm. Ash caught it in an expert move, flinging it back over her own shoulder and adjusting it to fit.

And then, surprisingly, Ash felt Sian's arm sliding around her shoulders, tugging her just a bit closer. Ashely almost stumbled, but caught herself before falling. Glancing upwards, this close she could see signs of the agony afflicting Sian just then, but there was also a hint of a smile. It was that hint - just the slightest curving of the lips, that gave Ashley hope. Maybe, just maybe, things wouldn't be so bad this time.

"Thanks."

Sian's voice was rough as if she'd spent the long walk from school crying, but Ash didn't comment on that. Instead, she started chattering away about anything and everything she could think of that _didn't_ have to do with school or Sian or Mindoir.

"Oh, and fair warning: watch out for Abby when we get inside," Ash concluded a couple of minutes later as they turned up the walk towards the entryway to the house. "She's on a real tear today."

Sian made a noise that almost sounded like she was choking. Worried, Ash looked up to find the most peculiar look on Sian's face.

"Do I want to know why?" Sian asked after a moment.

"Sar got into our room and made herself at home in Abby's things before mom caught her in the act. So Sar's kicking up a fuss because she's been banned to her room for the afternoon and Abby's on a tear and all mad and Lynn and I mostly've been outside and away from it all. I think mom'd be with us if she didn't have to keep Abby from barging into Sar's room or something."

Sian's lips twitched slightly and Ash swore she heard a small giggle. Grinning, she added, "So … we can hide out back if you want? I'll sneak in to get some snacks and -"

"Your stealth skills are severely lacking, Ash," Sian reminded her, though she did take a sharp turn to the left to go _around_ the house and not through.

Ashley snorted. "And yours are better? Who was it who got caught in the middle of the night while trying to ge-"

Sian moved quickly and quietly, arm still around Ashley, but her hand rising to cover her mouth. "Don't go there," she warned.

Ash pulled Sian's hand away. "Hey, _I_ wasn't the one who got caught!"

"But _you_ were the one who was loud enough to wake your parents," Sian reminded her. "I was doing just fine until you showed up…."

They ducked through the gate and entered the backyard, rounding the corner to the covered patio where there were places to sit and a table that quickly adopted Sian's bag … and found that Mrs. Williams had already left a pitcher of lemonade and a plate of cookies for them. Ash immediately lurched forward, but Sian proved her quickness again by grasping the younger girl's collar. "Oh no you don't!"

"Hey!" Ash struggled unsuccessfully to get free, but remained disappointed in that feat until Sian let go. "What ever happened to sharing?"

Sian's laugh this time was audible. "That's what I'm trying to do," she teased. "Last time your idea of sharing was to leave me two cookies and a half a glass of milk!"

Finally settling at the table, both poured a glass and grabbed a handful of cookies and sat for a few minutes in silence. It wasn't until the plate was empty of everything but a few crumbs and the pitcher had less than a glass of lemonade left that Ash finally asked quietly, "Are you okay?"

If Sian was startled by the question, she didn't show it. Facing Ash, she leaned her head on her hand, elbow propped upon the table. "I don't know if I can ever be 'okay' again," she replied honestly. "Every time this happens, I get thrown right back into it … the memories of before, the ghosts that come after."

Her eyes closed for a minute, but Ash didn't miss the tears that leaked out. "Why can't they just put you in classes and leave you alone?" she asked.

Sighing, Sian sniffed. "They don't want me to be bored, I guess. If I'm bored, I won't pay attention and I won't graduate … or something."

Mirroring Sian's posture, Ash countered, "Maybe mom could talk to them for you? She's pretty good at putting the fear of God into people."

Sian smiled but shook her head. "Nope, I'll deal with it. Gotta figure out how to do for myself sometime, right?"

Ash tilted her head further into her hand. "Yeah, I guess … but grandma used to say, 'No man is an island.' You know, you could still do it yourself, but it'd be like mom's covering your six - like dad does when he's on a mission?"

"Maybe," Sian agreed.

The pair fell into a comfortable silence then, occasionally broken with mention of little, inconsequential things - stupid boys at school who liked to pull Ash's hair to tease, older boys who followed Sian around during classes and at field hockey practice after trying to get her attention. Suggestions that Sian should use the stick on the boys' heads countered by observations that the younger boys were trying a similar thing with Ash that the older boys were with Sian, just at a different level. By the time the evening meal rolled around, Mrs. Williams had to stick her head out the back door in order to be heard over the peals of laughter and giggles, but it was much better than the alternative ….


	3. To Sail Beyond the Sunset

_Come, my friends,  
'Tis not too late to seek a newer world.  
Push off, and sitting well in order smite  
The sounding furrows; for my purpose holds  
To sail beyond the sunset, and the baths  
Of all the western stars, until I die._

_Alfred, Lord Tennyson_

~ 0 ~

"NO!"

Ashley didn't care that she was shouting loud enough for her voice to travel throughout the house. Hell, she didn't care if the entire _neighborhood_ could hear her just then. This just wasn't possible. It couldn't be! Not now - not after all they'd been through to get to this point -

"Maddie, darlin', please don't make this any more difficult than it has to be."

Angrier than she thought it possible for one person to ever be, Ashley spun on her father, home on emergency leave after being notified about Sian's 'little incident.' "Why?" she demanded, rage still bubbling very close to the surface and causing her voice to shake unsteadily. "Why does she have to go? She's a part of us now, isn't she? Maybe not by name, but she is in all the ways that matter most!"

"Ashley!"

Ash scowled darkly over at her mother before facing her father again. "Well, _isn't_ she?" she repeated.

Her father sighed, nodding gravely. "Of course she is, Maddie, but you have to understand. Sian is a biotic. She needs to be fitted with an implant and taught how to control her new … abilities. What happens after that will be up to her. She is almost eighteen, you know. To stay or go will be her choice to make."

Ashley opened her mouth to argue some more but was caught completely off guard when a ragged sob slipped out past her lips instead. Staring at her father in horror - she was a Williams, for God's sake! She was a rock like her father! She didn't cry or whine or -

When her father reached out for her, Ashley dove into his embrace while telling herself it was only to hide the tears.

"Hush now, Maddie," he crooned quietly, his hand combing through her hair in soothing motions.

"But … she c-can't go!" Ash reiterated.

Ash allowed him to guide her over to sit beside him on the couch, never once letting go of him. "Now, now. Don't think of it as a goodbye," he told her gently. "Think of it as a new opportunity - Sian can do with it what she will once they give her the implant. The choice will be hers. It's an opportunity, darlin'."

Opportunity didn't mend the ache of a heart breaking into pieces at the thought of losing her older 'sister.'

~ 0 ~

Enlist.

Ashley stood in the doorway, back against the frame, arms folded across her chest, right foot flat against the edge. A scowl darkened her features, but Sian was paying no attention to it which irritated Ashley even more.

Several times over the past couple of days, Ash had talked with Sian about what happened. None of those conversations had resulted in anything good.

"Quit moping."

"I'm not." Ash's retort sounded flat and childish, even to her own ears, but it was all she had just then.

"You are," Sian returned with a tolerant smile.

Ashley's lips curved into a pout. "I still don't see why you have to go," she mumbled.

Leaving her things and her bag she was packing, Sian crossed the room to stand in front of the younger girl. She didn't crouch down - and could have, Ash was slouching so badly - to look her in the eye; she simply stood there, waiting. Brown eyes lifted, met green and recognized that Sian was ready to outwait her. Sighing, Ashley straightened, arms dropping to her side but pout still in place. "I don't want you to go," she mumbled.

Sian's smile was gentle as she reached a hand out to rest on Ashley's shoulder. "Honestly? I don't want to either," she admitted. "I was just starting to get settled here. Feeling like I might be a part of something again, you know?"

"Then _don't_!" Ashley insisted fiercely. "Stay!"

Sian shook her head. "I can't. We both know that. What happened … well, I can't take that back, and thankfully no one got seriously hurt. I _have_ to go get the implant and the training. For everyone's safety."

Ash straightened suddenly. "But what about after?" she challenged. "You could come back then!"

"And do what?" Sian asked. "I'll be eighteen by then, Ash. You know that."

"You _know_ mom and dad wouldn't care!"

"But I would."

Sian's words were quiet, but packed a punch Ashley found she couldn't argue with.

"You and your family have done so much for me," Sian continued. "More than I ever could have hoped for, especially considering how messed up I was when I arrived. I won't ever forget that. But," she used a finger to tilt Ashley's head so they were looking eye to eye again, "I will take everything you've taught me and find a way to move on. That's the best way I can think to say, 'Thank you.'"

Sighing, Ash pulled her head away, eyes dropping to stare at the floor. "You're a part of our family now."

Sian nodded. "I am. And I won't ever forget that," she agreed.

"And families stick together. Especially ours."

"The minute you need me, I'm there," Sian promised.

Pushing herself away from the door frame, Ashley entered the room and crossed over to the bed to start folding clothing. "Alliance, huh?"

Sian followed over to assist. "That's the plan."

Ash snorted. "What did dad say when you told him?"

Sian's smile widened into a full fledged grin. "He dialed the number to put me in touch with an old friend who could help. He also reminded me that I didn't have to do this because I felt like I had to, only if I wanted to."

"And you said?"

"I told him the truth: I'm not doing this out of obligation, but out of inspiration. Your family didn't have to take me in," Sian pointed out. "You did it because you wanted to. If I can help others by being one of the ones that protect them, maybe I can sort of do the same thing."

Ashley glanced up just in time to see Sian's shoulders shrug casually. "And that's what you want?"

Sian's eyes darkened. "I can't ever allow Mindoir happen again, Ash," she said quietly, her voice trembling with the force of conviction behind the words. "_Ever_. This is how I can make sure that it doesn't."

Setting the clothing she was folding inside the bag, Ashley then reached into her back pocket. Pulling out a small datapad, she handed it across to Sian. "Well, you'll need this then."

Surprised, Sian took the pad in hand and began scrolling through it. Ashley watched in silence, but when Sian began smiling, she knew she'd gotten it right. "It's not much, but whenever dad goes away, I make him a copy. I -"

Sian pressed a button and the teenager's voice drifted into the air around them. "It's perfect," she managed, smiling over at Ash. "_Ulysses_, right?"

Ashley smiled back and nodded. "Yeah."

Turning it off and setting it into her bag, Sian rounded the end of the bed and wrapped Ashley into a warm hug. "Thank you. I'll treasure this."

Ashley hugged Sian in return, giggling as she pulled away. "Nah … bet you fifty credits you either lose it or toss it out an airlock before you finish basic because you're sick of hearing my voice," she teased.

Sian laughed. "Maybe," she agreed. Sighing, she looked around the room at all the packing she still had to do. "So … want to give me a hand?"

Chuckling, Ash brushed her hands off on her jeans. "Was wondering when we'd get down to business. You're a slave driver, you know that, right?"

"I think your dad called it, 'The voice of command,' or something."

Giggling, both turned back to the job at hand.


End file.
